Weird Feelings

Well, this week went fast! And, at the same time, slow!

Last night, I was sitting with my youngest two children as tears were rolling down their cheeks.

"Mommy, why do you have to go?" "I'm going to miss you." "Did you want to spend time with the orphans more than us?"

This is the stuff that breaks a mamma's heart!

I have a few things on the agenda today. I teach a fitness class. Need to pick up a few last minute items up at the store. We are going to take a short self-defense class.

I am very excited to see what is in store for us at Belize, but I am also very sad already - I already miss the half of my family that will stay behind and I want to spend every minute I can close to them now! Time is ticking!

It's strange feeling I feel as I am trying to breathe in and take total advantage of each minute I have with my pets, my husband and my younger two daughters. I don't want to take advantage of the time we have as it closes in.

It sure is a weird feeling packing up to go on a mission trip, too. Let's be honest, I usually over pack. I take extras of lots of things- 'just in case'. This trip- I have packed- and the things I have packed I am not necessarily planning to return with. I have heard from friends who have done trips like this before that the people in these places welcome the clothing and little gifts you leave behind. 

                                              

So....I am going to go spend some time now.... enjoying my little bit of time left here! :)

Beauty for Ashes

I can't remember when I started wanting to go on a Mission Trip. I do know that I always pictured going to Africa. We met some great friends while living in Oklahoma and the thought of going with them and their family of three young daughters to Mexico stirred something in my heart, but my husband said no, our daughters were all four 5 and under and he said there was too much risk.... I just know that as long as I can remember I have wanted to go. I have always been compelled to - and have often told myself that my mission field was right where I was- wherever I was. There is always and everywhere a need to spread God's love by being His hands and feet - serving and loving others. So, throughout my life, I have stayed close to home and have done what I can.

This past year, the pastor of the youth group I serve in announced to us that our youth group would put together a team to go on a Mission Trip to Belize. We would most likely work with an orphanage, do VBS and sports and visit elderly shut ins and love and build relationships with these people. There was already a tugging at my heart. I have wanted to adopt since I was in 4th grade and I have no grandparents left in this world- which can at times leave a big void for me as I spent a lot of time with both of my grandmothers. I adore the elderly.

Then he said we would go June 8th. WHAM! That just about sealed the deal in my heart. My niece, only 12 days younger than my oldest daughter, was hit by a car and killed on June 8th at the age of 9. Somehow, hearing that date and realizing we had the opportunity to love on these kids who needed love on a date that had been a very sad date in our lives, could now be a date when we took the sadness, the pain and loss we felt and feel and bring hope and love to others.... to other kids.... I am not sure how to put it into words.... but I had a lump in my throat immediately and I thought, "If even one of my girls wants to go do this, we will go. I will know without a shadow of a doubt that this is God's plan for us." I asked my two oldest daughters after service what they thought and they BOTH said they wanted to go. (Another lump in my throat!)

I had no idea how we would raise the money. $1850 per person x 3. That ain't cheap!! But, I knew we were supposed to go and I knew I needed more faith!

Interestingly, one of us was provided for rather quickly.... and so that left 2 person's funds to raise. 

Another surprise. I opened a place for teens to hang out and an Artist came and showed the students (and me) a little bit about working with Charcoal pencils. I found a focus and calming when I drew with them and a freedom. I began to draw and people began to tell me I should sell them. (Mind you, I haven't had an art class since 8th grade!) But, I sold them- lots of them! We raised a good deal of money through these drawings. We had several people just want to support us financially as they thought what we were doing was a good thing and they wanted to help us get there! Also, my husband and I were put on staff coaching the girls' basketball team at the high school and some of the money we were paid from that went into our funding. We also had a "Zumbathon" and raised some money dancing! We worked some fundraisers at restaurants and concessions for Upward Basketball.....We obviously prayed and had lots of people praying for us- and it happened! That BIG sum of money all came together little bits at a time and we are now spending the next several days preparing for the trip that we might have ignored of looked at as impossible to attain...... GOD IS GOOD!

The reality is my mind is this. My niece, Kaylynn, is not my first experience with pain and loss and she wasn't my last. I was close to her age when I lost my best friend due to a drunk driver and my most recent painful losses have been my grandmothers and my sweet Uncle Ralph. But, when we go through things like that, we can choose to stay in the pain, suffering and loss- or we can use those feelings to fuel us toward a life filled with an appreciation for life, love and people and we can make it our goal to live, love and serve to the fullest of our abilities. We can become bitter and hardened or we can become compassionate and soft for others. 

I prefer Beauty for the Ashes.... 

Excitement Stirring

Woke up at 5:30 again this morning..... (that sun coming in the window does it to me every time.) I used to get mad about waking up early - I prefer to stay up very late and sleep in- or at lease I used to.
But.... life is constantly changing and so am I.
I woke up today and looked at my phone which has the t-minus app. on it counting down the days, hours, minutes and seconds until we take off for Belize.



It said 6 days! I can't sleep! Today we have our final meeting! Today we are only 6 days away from this life-changing week we will have in another country with people we do not know, yet. HOW EXCITING!!!!!
A friend of mine has been praying for us on this trip. He is a pastor now- was a year ahead of me in school- got me to go to church and actually baptized me my junior year, telling me he wanted to hold me under a little longer and make sure it "took". lol
Anyway, he has been praying one thing in particular and that is that nothing will go according to our plans. But, that God will be in charge- because he says that is when everything is the best! It's already been happening with this trip. Many changes have taken place since the day we signed up- there are some people no longer going and some people now going who were not. I am sure this is part of God's plan. And, since I have NO IDEA what to expect as we visit a third world country and stay with orphans and shut ins in poverty stricken areas, I have no real expectations or plans except to LOVE the people I come into contact with and the team I serve with. Interestingly enough, when I came down this morning, this is the Bible verse that was on my computer!



1 Corinthians 13:1-3
I may speak in different languages, whether human or even of angels. But if I don’t have love, I am only a noisy bell or a ringing cymbal. 2 I may have the gift of prophecy, I may understand all secrets and know everything there is to know, and I may have faith so great that I can move mountains. But even with all this, if I don’t have love, I am nothing. 3 I may give away everything I have to help others, and I may even give my body as an offering to be burned. But I gain nothing by doing all this if I don’t have love.

The Waiting.....

Waiting..... it's something I am getting a bit better about as I get a bit older.

Life is full of waiting.

Waiting to meet the Mr. Right.
Waiting to get out of school.
Waiting for summer to finally arrive- and if you live in Ohio- the sunshine along with it.
Waiting for the first baby to be born.
Waiting to see if you are having a boy or girl.
Waiting in line for the bathroom.
Waiting to see your family again when you live 1000 miles away.
Waiting to hear from someone you love.
Waiting on the bank to tell you if you can purchase the home.
Waiting to hear back from an interview.


I haven't been the most patient person in the world.
I have never really liked waiting.

Lately, though, I have been waiting for a trip that I have been waiting on my entire life. I get to go to another country on a "Mission Trip." I am 41- will be turning 42 just a couple of days before we leave.

Why have I been wanting to do this?

One reason, I believe mostly that us Americans are pretty spoiled. We have so much of everything. I want to go spoil some others. 

Another reason is that I believe in God. But, I don't like hitting people over the head with the Bible- or preaching with words. I believe we are here to LOVE others and that sums up the message Jesus tried to spread while He was here. I want to go LOVE on others..... smile at them, hug them, sing and dance with them, play games with them, tell them my own story and why I believe in God.....and listen to REALLY listen to them and their stories. I want to serve them- is there something I can do while there to make their lives better/ easier? I hope so!

I am blessed to be a youth group leader at my church for high school students! I am super excited to go on this trip with some of the students from the group- which includes my two oldest daughters!

For now, we wait..... The plane leaves at 6am on June 8th.
While I wait, I make good use of the time by praying. Asking God to prepare our hearts. To protect us. To use us for good. To teach us and grow us through this.